Superman, the Man of Steel, protector of the weak and innocent, was in a bit of a funk one day. He’d been saving lives, averting disasters, and generally been helpful for years. Once he was seen as the ultimate super-hero, loved by millions, and the ultimate defender of truth, justice and… so on.

Then new heroes came along. This new generation dabbled in violence (Wolverine); darkness and fear (Batman); or ruthlessness behind real steel (Iron Man). Superman knew that this new generation of heroes had similar goals as he, but he worried that the means they used did not justify the ends they sought.

Superman was also a bit glum because the tabloids, trash TV and tabloid-like blogs were saying some less than flattering things about him because he wasn’t willing to get down, dark, and dirty with criminals. He had morals, values, and just generally was a decent guy with good MidWestern parents (even though he was adopted). In many ways, he was the antithesis of the modern super-hero and, horror of horrors, Superman Halloween costume sales were at an all time low.

Still, like a dedicated professional, Superman kept up the business of keeping the world safe. Yet, at the same time, despite how hard he tried to keep his mood up, he found himself despairing. It got to the point where he was so focused on the dark methods that his superhero peers were following that it was distracting him. He began to get sloppy and make mistakes. He misjudged his trajectory when saving a man, who had fallen out of an office tower during an earthquake, and wound up ripping off the man’s suit jacket. This cost the Man of Steel a few bucks.

He decided that he needed help with his image.

He knew that the internet was popular with young people so he decided to get some help. Jimmy Olson, his pal and confidant, suggested that he look into social media (Jimmy had been caught more than once on Facebook at work). Two seconds, and one smoking keyboard later, Superman had found three possible social media consultants to help him out with his problem and so he flew off.

The first consultant was part of an established PR firm that was starting to dabble in social media. The consultant, after attempting to wow the Man of Steel with a dizzying array of social networks and cool Power Point presentations, set up a standard plan. Superman got a Twitter account; a MySpace account; a Facebook account, and about a dozen other profiles on other services. This activity was calculated to make a good impression, showing that he was down with the kids. He even had a pouch installed on his belt for an iPhone (alas, it wasn’t built for supersonic speed or the cold of the upper atmosphere, so it didn’t last.)

Superman accumulated the maximum number of Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter fans possible. He did chats, a blog, and e-Mail. He made a lot of contacts. Robert Scoble interviewed him and he was a guest on Rocketboom, the Gillmor Gang, and This Week in Tech. However, he couldn’t keep up with social media work, his day job, and his superhero duties. Worst of all, the mass media barely noticed. He despaired and severed the relationship with the PR firm, barely noticing in time that he’d almost signed away the rights to the name Superman – thank goodness for heat vision, he thought.

And so Superman tried the second social media consultant, who we wound up meeting in a trendy nightclub late at night. This consultant, a crazy looking young man with sunglasses, constant streaming video, and a persistent sniffing problem, chose a different route. He made a series of cutting edge videos, meant to go viral, that were distributed via YouTube and backed by a massive social bookmarking/E-Mail campaign. The Man of Steel went both edgy and more human. He talked about his doubts and insecurities as the Last Son of Krypton; how he loved junk food (true); his love for Daft Punk (not true); his Kryptonite phobia; and he even talked about his sex life (which he reduced to three words). The media noticed… but he alienated his fans from the first social media blitz and his original core base thought he’d sold out.

Every now and then he could hear Lex Luthor laughing at him (and he did, because he was Superman, after all.)

It was getting to be too much, even for the Man of Tomorrow. In desperation, he checked out the third social media consultant. This man was bald, over six feet tall, and wore jeans and outrageous Hawaiian shirts. He invited Superman over for a meal and a beer (which he replaced with Diet Pepsi because Superman never drank when on duty (e.g. he never drank)). He listened to Superman talk about his concerns, his dissatisfactions, and his worries. The social media consultant didn’t speak. He listened, nodded occasionally, and smiled sympathetically a few times. When he sensed that Superman was done talking, he thought for a moment, then cleared his throat and spoke.

“OK, Superman,” said the consultant. “Let’s cut the shit. You are faster, stronger, tougher, and generally more powerful than any other super-hero operating today. You’ve got a good brain, virtually limitless stamina, and a heart of gold. You really care about the world, don’t you?”

A tear formed in one of Superman’s eyes. “Yes, I do. My adoptive parents taught me to be responsible and use my gifts for the greater good. I always feel good when I’m doing that. And…” he paused, “I know I can make a difference. I’m here on this planet for a reason.”

The consultant nodded and smiled. “Get out there, be the best Superman you can be. Go to the edges where other superheroes can’t go. Put a dent into crime, do good things. At the same time, stay true to your personality and character. Don’t forget that you’re a man, not a god. I’ll make sure that key people know what’s happening. Besides, aren’t you friends with Jimmy Olson?”

Superman realized that he hadn’t even talked to Jimmy in weeks.

And so he did the right things, including tending his own personal needs and being a good friend. He was amazing. Super, even. He helped even more people than before.

And that’s how Superman got his groove back.

Eventually, the rest of the world realized that:

• Wolverine was an uncouth, violent maniac.
• Batman looked really dumb in costume in bright light (plus he was shorter than most people realized).
• Iron Man was just a regular guy who needed a suit of armor to kick ass.

And so it goes. The best marketing for Superman was to be the best super-hero he could be.

THE END

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