Words are powerful; if you are reading this sentence, you realize that this is true. Words start wars, break hearts, spread joy, educate and inform, and thousands of other things. Many of our societies advocate free speech. I’m generally in favor of unrestricted communication. However, my family has chosen to avoid using a particular word and I’d like to explain why.
The word is hate.
Early in our relationship my wife and I were talking about something and I believe that I said “I hate that.” She took offense to my use of the word “hate”. We talked it over for awhile and we both came to the conclusion that we didn’t want to encourage the concept of hate within our family. Therefore, we made a conscious decision to stop using that word. And, with only a few minor exceptions, we haven’t spoken that word aloud in over ten years.
Is this a kooky thing to do? Good question. We don’t hear the word hate in our house, again except for a couple of exceptions. Does this have any affect on our thoughts or behavior? I’ve only heard the kids use the word once or twice each. Does that mean they don’t get angry? Heck no, they’ve both got tempers, just like their parents! But I’d like to think that maybe it’s having a positive effect on their thinking.
Generally speaking I don’t use the word hate when I write. Probably it’s because I don’t write a lot of emotional posts and I generally don’t go on tirades, either. I guess I’ve modified my own behavior to the point that I won’t willingly use the word hate (this post excepted, I guess). Do I still feel the emotion? Generally not, but I can’t say that it’s completely banished, either.
I’m not writing this to say that by eliminating a word that you banish the subject that it represents.
Maybe, just maybe, though, you can set a positive example that could have a positive impact on other people.
So, I’m curious. What do you think?
This is wonderful! I have made a similar effort with my children. My daughter switched to “intensely dislike” at first, but I've seen some progress in her. For myself, I just don't want to expend all that energy on something so negative – it ends up harming me for more than it does the object of the, um, “intense dislike.”
Cool, glad to see that other people are trying this!
This is an interesting concept. I'm a huge believer in focusing our energy on the positive. Funny I've never really given much thought to the impact of using the “h” word. Food for thought – thank you!
sure thing!
I love this – I believe in not contributing to the negativity. I'm going to work on this myself. Thanks for the inspiration.
You are welcome.
Hi Mark – I completely agree with you, yet I often find myself saying it. It's a terribly habit because as soon as it leaves my mouth – I think, why on earth did I say that – hate is far too strong a word. I'm guessing it's misused a lot.
I sometimes backslide as well, to be honest.
Hate is a nasty word. I believe that the words you use (spoken or in print) shape your thinking. So if you eliminate hate from your vocabulary…. all the better.
yup